Love Advice - The Final Phase of Love Relationships And the Problems That Go With It

The Companionship Phase.  The third period of relationships (or fourth, if you have a Family/Raising Kids phase) can be called the “long term companionship” phase.  If you've survived the me/us phase, if you haven't hit the eject button because you don't feel as much oceanic love as you did in the beginning, you are in good shape.  You are now are settling into companionship routines.  What do we do together as a couple?  What do we enjoy apart?  What is expected from us by our mates and are we okay about this?  Do we enjoy the quiet times with our partner or are we still looking for never ending fireworks and deep conversation from our lover?

Stretch this period out over years, and we often feel like the love is mostly gone, we’re just going through the motions.  Our lover can become more like our roommate.  The hot passions of the oceanic love phase can become a distant memory.   Add the family/child rearing phase into the mix (they happen concurrently) and you can do well at times to avoid killing each other off.

So, given these relationship phases and the obvious issues that go with them, how do you keep the love alive?  How do you keep the passions between you thriving, just like in the early days?  Well, those are good questions that we all often end up wondering as we settle into the routine of work and family and kids.   

The first simple answer to this is that you don’t.  You don’t try to keep the oceanic love phase going.  It was there for a while as you mated, it helped you to merge and form a team, now its gone and in its place is the potential for long term partnership.  It won’t have the same emotional bliss that you felt when you first fell in love.  If you stop trying to get that back, you’ve made a good first move. 

Another great thing to focus some time on as a couple is play.  Have some play in your relationship every week, do a date night, do some things that both of you enjoy as a couple.  You don’t need to play all the time like you did in the beginning, but you do need to play some to thrive as a couple! 

For more on the issues that arise between couples and how to deal with them effectively you can check out The Train Your Mate System for Having the Relationship You Want. 

 


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