Love
Advice
Love Advice
- Talk Styles
True love. It's nice to have it.
However, men and women communicate with different basic styles. Women will
often talk to connect. Men will usually talk to make points and problem
solve. It is no secret that men and women communicate
differently. Men often try to drive points home, women are comfortable
not having to get someplace in the conversation.
These different styles can cause lots of issues in your relationship. One or
the other of you can end up feeling unappreciated or unheard, with the
accompanying hurt feelings. Taking some time to comprehend the talking
styles of both genders can help long term intimacy thrive.
Speaking in generalities, a basic male communication style is to take charge
and make points in a conversation. Men are territorial by instinct, and this
shows up in conversation. They may interrupt more, try to make points, and
then argue or try to convince people that their points are correct.
Also, men like to problem solve. It is the hunter killer instinct. If there
is a deer and you need meat, you have to kill the deer. If there is a
problem, then you have to kill the problem. You have to solve it if you can.
So men like to identify problems (the boss sucks, your sister is a mess) and
then, whenever possible, offer solutions (you should get a new job, your
should tell your sister to stop being a doormat). Just note that men don't
have to have good solutions, but they will offer them up.
A normal talking style for women is often to converse to connect and
reflect. They don't need to have things figured out. They often aren't
trying to get to a resolution. They don't need to dominate their partner
with points or a solution. They actually share their thinking process out
loud as a way to connect.
A woman will say their boss sucks, then share that the boss is having a hard
time in their relationship. They are connecting with their mate, sharing
their process. They aren't trying to drive a point home or get to big final
resolution. They can make points that seem unrelated.
This of course drives men up the wall. You've identified the deer, the boss
who sucks. Then sharing that the deer is having problems with Bambi's dad is
not relevant to the guy. Are you going to shoot the darn deer by quitting
your job or are you going to offer it therapy?
There is ton more to this, but if you can understand talking in a linear way
to get points across and identify and kill off problems, you can understand
a lot of male communication. And if you can appreciate a woman often likes
to talk to share and reflect and connect, you can understand a lot of female
communication. A great thing to do is to try to communicate in your partners
talking style from time to time and see what happens!
Relationship Intelligence Action Steps:
Start to notice your own talking style.
Start to notice your mate's.
Occasionally practice talking in their style to
them.
Ask them to have patience with your style when
things get frustrating.
There are entire books that can be written about
each of these topics, so this is obviously just an introduction, but
these ideas are a great place to start to improve your love relationship and the
experience of intimacy for both of you. Some good love advice is
to start loving! Don't wait for the perfect time. Love your mate
some each day. Find something to appreciate for just a few minutes a
day.
|
 |
